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Real Talk FUMC Pearland
Welcome to “Real Talk", a podcast with an increased intentionality on having honest conversations about faith, church and the real conflicts that surround the complicated realities of today. We invite those who are curious, cautious and considering faith into deeper conversations, even if we don't always agree.
Real Talk FUMC Pearland
Raising Future Followers w/ David Fenn & Emily Besser
Thea talks with two parents raising toddlers to teens with intentional faith upbringing. Together they discuss their goals, outcomes and what drives them to share their own faith with their children authentically.
Episode Topics Include:
When and how was faith introduced into your life?
How does faith influence your parenting today?
What aspect of your faith do you hope to share with your children?
How are you working to make that a reality today?
What aspects of your children’s faith do you have to let go of?
What practices help you in those realities today?
What hope do you have for your children/future generations regarding faith?
What steps are you taking now to help make those a reality?
Join the Conversation:
Reach out to the guest and/or hosts by emailing:
theac@fucmpearland.org or rclemons@fumcpearland.org.
Visit www.fumcpearland.org to learn more.
Want more information about FUMC Pearland? Check us out at fumcpearland.org
Welcome to Real Talk, a podcast where we talk about real faith, real questions, with real people. Thank you for tuning in. Today I'm joined by David Finn and Emily Bessler, who are current members and attenders at First in Methodist Church Fallen, and they've agreed to talk about what it takes to raise future followers of Jesus. And so we'll start with you, Emily. If you just introduce yourself and a little bit of your why you said yes, you'd be willing to share today.
Speaker 2:Thanks, thea. Okay, so to introduce myself, I'm Emily Bessler, my husband is Tommy Bessler and we have three children my daughter is, my oldest is 13, and my middle is 11, and my youngest is eight. So we have three. I really I have gotten every year so much closer to Christ and in the past couple years at our church, through connection to our pastors and through our friends through Sunday school and our friendships outside of church have been huge parts of our connection to Christ and that connection comes back through that to our children and I was hoping that. I hope that our time in this podcast today allows connection out into the community, not just in our church but in a larger community, that there's something that is said here through a dialogue between David and you and I that helps somebody feel less alone or seen, or a piece of advice that maybe is helpful, that brings a person, one person or more, closer to Christ or to our church on Sunday.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Thank you and David, just introduce yourself and let us know why you said yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thanks, leah. I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 3:My wife Katie and I have four kids, got a nine-year-old boy twin five-year-old boys and a two-year-old girl which I will do anything that she says whenever she says to do it. That's just the way it goes. I know it. I said yesterday. The short answer is I have a problem saying no when a pastor asks me to do something, especially one that I really like. The long answer is I think sharing is really important, making yourself vulnerable. So I was willing to open myself up because sharing is important. For the majority of my life I was the guy sitting in the corner just observing what everybody else was doing, listening, but over the last few years I've really started to realize how important it is to open up and I think having seen enough people do that over the years has taught me that we're all just people. We're all just trying to do what's right. Whether we actually do what's right or not, we're trying, and I hope that everybody gives me the grace that I'm willing to give everyone else when they're willing to share their stories.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and the reason why I asked both of you is because you have been so willing to share your journeys with me, and especially when it comes to raising your children and striving to offer them an authentic witness. And I believe that both of you have compelling stories and I think that people will not only hear it but relate to it and can connect to it. And I love what you said, emily, of this hope that just if one person could feel a little less alone. You know, you both know, I started my ministry in family ministry and in my experience, no parent thinks they're doing it right. They all think they're way, way behind, that they're failing miserably and that they're just hoping and praying that still something somewhere along the line sticks. And so, again, thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and share, and I wanted to start with just you sharing how faith was introduced into your life. Where, where did that start? When do you remember it making a significant impact? You want to go for assembly, sure.
Speaker 2:I am. I can't remember a time that I didn't have faith, and I know that seems like a really big statement, but I am so blessed that my parents made a decision and I tell you this that my father, who's since past but was born and raised Jewish, and my mother, who was born and raised a Christian, made a decision to baptize me and raise me as a Christian. And they made the decision when I was very young and we went to church every Sunday and we went to Bible study with my mom and her lady friends from church every Wednesday, and that wasn't just a thing we did on the calendar. That was the circle that we spent time with. That's who we went on vacations with. That's where I played after church on Sundays.
Speaker 2:So I did a lot of sports with this in our community, and what was so beautiful about that is it really brought together. There wasn't a separation of. This is what I do with church from 10 to 11 on Sunday. This is who we were doing life with holidays, all of those things, and I think that's why it's hard for me to tell you when exactly it started, because it was always just there, and those women of the Bible study groups that I mentioned were also there for my successes and my bad decisions, because they were there from when I was little, through high school and college, through heartaches and through my.
Speaker 2:They were all there at my wedding, and from a distance now, because I grew up in New Jersey and I live in Texas, as we know. So they follow along from a distance and even more recently I was back in New Jersey to support one of those same women through a loss that they had, and so my mother and this group of women in the church that I was raised in is such an impactful backbone because it's just there, just how they lived. Their example to me of their friendship, their vulnerability, their support of each other and of me in all aspects of their life was an example. It carried through my friendships, it carries through my marriage, it carries through the friendships and the circles that I form now at our church community and I hope that it's trickling down. I think it's trickling down to my three little ones.
Speaker 1:What about you, David?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so my story is actually it starts very similar to Emily's growing up. You know I feel a little bit like Forrest Gump saying this, but I don't remember, you know, being baptized and all of those things that we do with our youth, with infants. I just it was just. We went to church and that's what it was, and it was similar. We went on vacations with people from my parents, sunday school class, hung out with churches or, excuse me, hung out with families from the church. That was our life it was. It was so mixed that it was the same. Right, there wasn't a church life and social life. It was all the same.
Speaker 3:I don't know exactly when it would have been. Probably like junior high school, maybe is when it started that we stopped going to church, and that's not really spirit, like that doesn't have anything to do with your faith, right, that's just going to church. But I think I didn't really have faith. There was a big window in my life. I remember, even being in college, I went to an informational meeting for a student organization and before the meeting started they wanted to pray and I got up and walked out. I said I'm in the wrong place. Sorry, guys, this isn't my thing. So I would say I was a complete non-believer for a good chunk there, and then I had so many strong examples from when I was a kid. I mean, like I said, it was like everybody, social as well as my family grandparents uncles, aunts, I mean everybody.
Speaker 3:And then now, once Kate and I were starting a family, we kind of started coming back to church and I think at first it was just like this is something I want to do so that my son grows up the same way that I grew up. But I've really had the opportunity to own my faith and it has been. It's been really awesome to go through it as an adult, make your own decisions like do the work and become a Christian, basically which is weird to say because I went to church for so much of my life before that but to actually become a believer as an adult has been really awesome.
Speaker 1:I love that you mentioned, you know, what started as a desire to give this same experience to your son actually led to your own deepening of faith, and it's something really incredible that I've seen multiple times happen with parents and those willing to say, okay, I know, this is good for my child, or I believe it's good, and then begin to reap the benefits too and start to see a new way of being. How do you see that your faith journey now kind of bleeding into your, into your parenting style or or maybe the why your children do go with you to church and you bring them so, so regularly?
Speaker 2:You know, the thing that comes to mind as I'm listening to David and as I hear that question, the it is we have a choice on how we spend our time and what we prioritize, if you will, as the values of your household. And I believe that I'm not the the the sider of what's right or wrong for any anybody else's house except mine, and I may not even be right, but I do think for our house. There are several things, you know common manners and to be as kind as we can to our siblings and, if we can't, to just go to our, go to our rooms until we can, myself included, but but to to try to love God and to know God and to build a relationship individually and as a family with God and with Christ. And that's the decision that Tommy and I made, and so that that, with that decision, includes an investment of time in going to church, in being involved with church, in talking about God at home, in reading scripture in our house. Because we love music it's including praise in the cycle of Pandora that plays in the house. Those are decisions. So those are the decisions we've made in our house and because I do think and I didn't come up with this on my own.
Speaker 2:I have some somewhere along the way. I'm sure that I read it or heard it on another podcast, but it was just. You know, what better way can you show your children than just to lead it? Lead what you want them to see and be. Stop talking about it so much. Kids, especially my 13 year old, my 11 year old, even my eight year old, just tire of the long conversations and times that feel like speeches and they just want to see you do it. So getting involved, whether it be service projects at the church or teaching Sunday school, serving communion, just leading, just leading the family through an investment in faith, is where we are with our family and it is an investment in time and with that I'll say this too other things can happen because of it, and that's an okay decision. Maybe we can't go as in depth with other extracurricular activities, but this is the decision we made and I have to tell you and I'm sure it'll come up later the benefits and the rewards of it are unmatched. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:What are the pieces of your faith that you're hoping to share with your children? As you, you know, instill a life of faith, a life of Christian community. What is it that you're hoping that they receive?
Speaker 2:and yeah, start with that.
Speaker 3:Start with that the foundation. Like when I think of my own story and I know this isn't all about me, but I'm going to say it real quick without that foundation that I had, I wouldn't be where I am today. So to me the foundation is extremely important and it goes into maybe not every single thing that we do, but a lot of it, right? I mean we make the time on Sundays to go to church. You know what are you listening to in the car, on the radio, when your kids are in the car with you? What are you?
Speaker 3:What are you watching on TV? Right, like even things that I do when the kids. That I'm not doing with the kids, but if they see me doing it, that's still going to have an influence on them. Kind of us rose going there.
Speaker 1:I like what you said about building a firm, about like a foundation. I know my own father tells a story. He was race Catholic, went to Mass every Sunday and even if he didn't feel a strong faith or sense of Christian values in the home later in life, when he was at the end of his rope, but something told him maybe the church could help and it was because of what he'd been exposed to and what he had seen. And later, and you know, from that moment on he ended up building his own relationship with Jesus and accepting and receiving, you know, what was offered. But it was because of the faith and the foundation, the fundamentals that were kind of laid down for him as a child and as a young teenager, that he was able to kind of go back to.
Speaker 1:And again, I love the way he does share. It's just like I sat there and just thought this can't be what, you know, anybody wants from me. Maybe this Jesus, maybe God has something better in store. There's a church down the road. I'm going to go see if there's something there, and there was, and so I can definitely, you know, see where that foundation, and I can for myself too, it wasn't my parents, but it was my grandparents who took me occasionally as a child, and so I had some sort of basis, some sort of awareness of what Christian community could be like and what God was, what I was told God was willing to offer.
Speaker 2:If I may too, to your point about foundation. I mean, I think it's a simple thing to relate to on that as prayer right A lot of times, one of the first prayers we learn in church David, I'm sure you did learn and I know I did as well is the our father, and you learn that. You say it, for example, maybe at communion.
Speaker 2:Sundays or every week, whenever you do. I can remember being young, being elementary age, and that was a prayer that I would say before you know, before bed. And then I can remember as I got older, I would pray when I needed something which is common and nothing wrong with it, right, Help me with this thing, help me with that thing. How long did it take me to get to the point where I pray now, just to wake up and say thank you for the air, air in my lungs, thank you for this life, thank you for the birds.
Speaker 2:I can hear outside for my best friend laying next to me, for whatever you know. But it's an evolution of prayer. It's a foundation that you give that starts within our father. It's a foundation that you give by going to church, maybe just on Easter and Christmas. That turns into once a quarter, once a month, taking your kids to VBS in the summer camps. That turns into, hey, let's try out Sunday school a couple times a year. There's not a magic number to how we have to pray or how many times we have to go to church or how often we have to play KSPJ or listen to praise songs at the house. It's just putting the groundwork there to your point of what your father came back to. What I know I come back to now daily used to be whenever I needed it, you know at the time. But it's a foundation that we all need and, as parents, like we have to teach manners, like we have to teach anything else, we, you know, I think it's important to teach this foundation.
Speaker 1:Our last episode was about the Bible and we talked a little bit about how it's interesting the stories we decide we tell children the stories we don't from the Bible. But something that it just brought to mind again is the story of Noah and the Ark and the flood and the rainbow. And sometimes I wonder, when you think about the tragedy in that story, why do we tell kids that one? It's actually the children's Bible version is real, real cleaned up compared to what we find in our um adult translations. But I was, um, I bought that book for one of my cousins and uh, was not reading it to him. I was showing him the pictures and telling him the story through it because I wasn't going to read the whole thing. And as I was kind of going through it and just kind of describing what the pictures were showing, is he's about two years old and so you know, you see the elephants, you see, and they're getting on the boat and it's so wild, it's so weird, and I bet it was smelly, and you know we're just kind of having fun. And then I got to the end with the rainbow and I thought how am I going to wrap this story up? It's, it's so wild. And then I just turned them and I said and this story tells us that sometimes it's a wild, crazy, stinky mess and God still loves us. You know, and that was the first time that even that story could, I could make sense of it in a way of why would I tell child this story?
Speaker 1:But again, it's, it's those kind of what an important thing for a child to learn about God at two, five, 12 years old man. Life is going to be wild, it's going to be full of a lot of characters and often it's going to be too cramped and too loud and too stinky and God is with us every moment, every step of the way, and offering us something more beautiful and more amazing than we could ever imagine. And and sometimes we got to like just ride through a 40 day storm to get there and how, again, that kind of child-like story. This can, can, can lay that foundation to, to faith and to help children and families also. Just kind of get the, the bare nuggets that you just need to kind of kind of get through as you think about what you're doing now to to share your faith and to lead your children to faith. What are the pieces of your children's faith that you know you have to let go of.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so, uh, I think we're fortunate in that our kids are nine and under oldest is nine. So I think, as far as I know, he thinks everybody goes to church every Sunday. Right, all of his friends do we do. When we leave to go to church on Sunday morning, he doesn't notice that there's not a lot of people on the road yet Um you go to the early service, so we do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're we are, yeah, anyway. So the age is important. I don't think there's a lot that we have to let go right now. I think right now we can control a good portion of it, at least what he's fed Now. What he's fed in the future from other sources is going to be difficult and that's impossible for us to control. So you definitely have to let that go, but also be willing to like show the other side of what they're being fed by other sources. Uh like, what they're saying isn't necessarily true, but they're also not bad people, right? They're all. Everybody's out here doing the best that they can. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Um, but there is going to be a time where it's it's up to him, right? Are you going to go to church on Sunday? Do you think you should go to church on Sunday? Do you need to go to church on Sunday? Um, and we'll see, right, I mean, that's, that's what we're trying to do with.
Speaker 1:the foundation is and, and wouldn't it also be maybe a step further, will you trust Jesus Christ?
Speaker 3:Yes, with your life, right, I mean yeah, so we do all the things right Like, my son doesn't remember being baptized either, uh, none of my kids do. But there is a time where, yeah, you have to make that own decision yourself and I can't make that decision for you. Nobody can make that decision for you Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, that was going to be my answer. Yeah, I mean. The question is what part of my children's faith journey do I need to let go of the whole thing?
Speaker 2:Oh and it's taken me this long to realize it and I'm sure I don't even fully grasp what I just said. But this is an example, not about faith. Yesterday, while my daughter was at school I won't name which one I stepped into her room which I'm not supposed to and I cleaned it a little bit as I just felt like being loving and helpful. But it also was making me crazy and I knew the risk was she would either say thank you or she'd be furious. I went for it and she said thank you. She was very sweet, she gave me a big hug and that was very nice. And then I said um, and now you will do what you're going to do with it. Now you have a base of this room and I don't plan to do that again, but it was. It was seemed overwhelming to get out from under that. Yeah, I know you're crazy with school and with sports and it seemed like it was just the time did not exist to get out from under that.
Speaker 2:I have dug you out from under that and now it is yours to either manage or pile back on top of.
Speaker 2:And in saying that to her, I said and I'm not saying that in a threatening way really and truly, it's your room, but as you're getting older, I just want you to know.
Speaker 2:I feel that about a lot of things, like you're going to do what you're going to do, and I love you, but you write your story and there was more nuance to that with things that are going on in her life, and all my kids have different, you know, as we all have different things going on in our life. But my point is to say that I really am so grateful. It's overwhelming to think that, and it is such a gift to know how, not in charge, I am scary, but it is also such a gift. And so if what I feel like I'm called to do is just to be a good example, the best I can, and certainly not perfect, mom rage on the regular, working on it, but you know, provide food and keep them safe and love them and show them. You know, show them the best things I can show them and then you got to let them be them, because they are going to be here. They're going to be I'm not in charge of it and they're going to get whatever God's taken them on their own.
Speaker 3:I mean every kid is different, right, and you got to kind of fill out your own kids, right. I mean, if you, if you push too far, right, they get pushed, but not in the direction you were trying to push them, and that's another, you know just something that I worry about all the time. I don't think. Like I said, I don't think we're there yet, but it's just another concern that I know is coming.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really real. What you both have shared and I loved your analogy, emily, that now it's yours and and and maybe that's a key to parenting and raising future followers is you. You set it up, you offer, you know, the most authentic witness that you can. And then you say it's yours, and I get a little choked up because my husband and I, with adult children in their late twenties, now early thirties, and recognizing you know, that's that's all we can do at this point, where they are completely grown, completely making all of their own choices all of the time, is that the only thing we can do is offer an authentic witness, is be authentic, to be honest, to be bold, to speak up and say this is something that's important to me and this is why, and so that they have a, they have something real to come to, to make a choice about. You know, I, um, we didn't do, probably, as we didn't do what we maybe could have when they were younger, um, but that's, that's over. So it doesn't matter. What can we do today? And the best that we can do is offer that authentic witness today and and then, no, it's, it's theirs. Whichever way they go, right, it's theirs, um, but that's hard, that's, that's scary.
Speaker 1:Um, you said something about you. Know I, I decided to offer that to her out of out of kindness and and maybe because it was driving you a little crazy, but also because you believe she was worth it. Um, and I, I talked to so many, uh, parents of adult children who are, who are wrought with sadness and confusion that their, their children, are not raising their grandchildren with faith or feel um afraid to offer a children's Bible at a birthday or Easter, or even to to pray with their grandchildren, and I I just think, like, isn't this worth the conversation? Is it? Is it your faith also valid amongst the? The possible non, maybe it's not even a non? Um, and I wonder, like, how do you grapple with that? I mean, how do you begin to let your hands go on some of that? Well, also, maybe still holding on?
Speaker 2:You got me thinking of the words be bold. I don't know why that keeps playing in my mind. You know, we just came, the three of us, from lunch and we prayed at lunch. And I've been praying at lunch with you for as long as I've been going to lunch with you, but that's not something that I ever normally did.
Speaker 2:And now it is so comfortable, right? I mean I'm saying right to you, it is to me. That's the fact. I don't want to ask myself right, you just start doing something like anything else my son's learning to pitch, just start doing it. I mean, it doesn't have to be about church what I'm saying. Any parent can understand this concept about something. You just start doing it and it gets more comfortable. And when I am again listening to you both and thinking about it some more, what I'm trying to get better at really and truly and I'm trying, so I'm not there is trying to hold back on things that don't need to be said.
Speaker 2:As a mom, you know, do I have to say that comment, or is that just nitpicky? Do we have to do this right now or could we just chill out but then also be bold when you know your child could probably hear you say have you brought this to God? Have you offered this up in a prayer? What could we pray about on the way to school this morning? And this is about parenting, so I'm talking about my kids. But could you relate to, like, how do we take it outside the church walls?
Speaker 2:I mean, I have friends from church. I have friends, not from church, and being bold enough to say I want to offer to you in this story that you're telling me about your child, that God is that child in the palm of His hand and he's going to be fine. And that may not be something that you would, it's not something I would normally say, but as I am going deeper in my faith and trying to be bold in sharing it with others, making a statement like that to somebody that I don't necessarily know I sit next to in the church pews on Sunday, just taking a step, put the foot in the water and, to your point, give the Bible as the gift. What's the worst thing that could happen? They put it on the bookshelf and it collects dust. Offer the prayer If people are just being polite and closing their eyes and taking a nap for 30 seconds. Offer the prayer because there's people in the room who it might really impact and the grandchild whose parent puts it on the shelf might pick the book up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really, it's powerful just to hear you, you know, just share and really just so simply and even, as you say, to offer to your friend who you may not know where their faith is or even know exactly where it isn't. Sometimes it can be hard just to even offer that to the folks you do sit next to in church. You know the folks. You do have those faith connected relations. To say the same, let's go to God right now in prayer.
Speaker 1:You might have witnessed it on Sunday morning when people come to me and, hey, well, will you pray for it? Sure, right now, let's do it. And I don't know if that's what they're expecting. They're like, no, write it down and do it in your quiet, private prayer time. But I'll tell you I'm not going to remember by then. But also, if it's important enough, let's just. Let's just go ahead and do that right now. You know why not. And if we can't pray together in church, yeah, how are we going to ever have the courage to pray at a restaurant? Yeah, do you have others other suggestions, david? How do you no?
Speaker 3:suggestions. It's a lot easier to say than to do sometimes. I'm not talking about any of the specific examples that you all brought up, but you know it is hard to just let your kids go, Right. I mean, they're in a lot of ways they are a part of yourself, right, and to let that go. It's just. It's extremely difficult. When somebody does something, whether good or bad, to one of my kids, it feels like they're doing it to me, which is absolutely not true, not even close to true, but that's the way that it feels inside. It's like it hurts me more than if you would have just done it to me, Right, you're hurting.
Speaker 1:Good. My mom described it one time as if it's a piece of your heart, walks around outside in the world. There's nothing you can do about it.
Speaker 3:It's a brutal world.
Speaker 1:Except watch it, you know, yeah. So what would be your hope for your children and other children, future generations, regarding faith? If you could just have a magical wish, what would you hope for your children and faith?
Speaker 3:For me it's. You know, I shared my story earlier. I'm hoping that my kid's faith is stronger than mine and it can stick with them and guide them through the formative years where they're making decisions that don't just impact today or their grade tomorrow on a test or something. It impacts their lives, other people's lives. They could make new lives, not doing what they're supposed to be doing. It's just a lot to process and to know.
Speaker 3:I mean, it's been a while now since I was in that position but to know what they're going through and to also remember that when I was going through that, I never even considered asking my parents a single question about it, and to think that they're gonna do that same thing when I know that I've already got the answers right, in the same way that my parents already had the answers for me, but I didn't ask the question, and when they wanted to talk about it, that was the last thing I wanted to do. There was another stand up and walk out moment. I'm trying to know that that's gonna happen, and if it doesn't happen, that's fantastic, but if it does happen, I'll be at least slightly prepared, whatever that means. Yeah, which?
Speaker 2:I don't know. What do I want their face to look like? Was that the question? Yes, I just. I love the idea of the personal relationship with God and Jesus, and so I just pray that they figure that out. I pray that I can continue to figure out the mom that each one of them needs me to be to them, that I know when to listen and when to speak To, both to God and to my kids, to my husband, to my own mother, that I give myself the same grace that I would want my children to give themselves, and that somewhere along the way, as it has for David and for Euthyia and for me, that this sinks in, that they know they can count on God, that he will never let them down Sooner than later, I hope, but at some point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so what are you doing today to make those things a reality?
Speaker 3:We talked about it a little bit earlier, but almost every faith story excuse me, faith story that I hear starts with those same five words. When I was growing up, we and then it goes on did or did not go to church, right, so we talked about it a little bit earlier, but I think, being the example and having them around, those same examples right Of not only well, my parents were really into Jesus when I was growing up and then, when I wasn't around them, nobody else was. So my parents are really weird right, that's not what you.
Speaker 3:That's not what we're trying to do. What we're trying to do is kind of a holistic. You know friends from church and that's who we hang out with on weekends and we do all the same stuff right. Like when I leave at night to go to a meeting at church, I say I've got a meeting at church tonight and you know Noble's mom's gonna be there, carter's dad's gonna be there. Clayton's dad's gonna be there Like these other people that you know.
Speaker 3:That's to make it. I don't wanna say make it seem normal, but make it seem right.
Speaker 2:Like that's and connections with them. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that you say I don't want them to think their parents are weirdos. Yeah, I mean we are, but they would know more we are, but not because we're Christians.
Speaker 3:We're just weird because we're people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they would know more Christians than just you. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, my grandparents were huge examples I've went into talking about my family a little bit earlier, but huge examples. And when I look back I have vivid memories of going to my grandparents house and seeing the Statler brothers singing gospel songs on their TV, on TNN, with the tricolored microphones. I don't know if you'll ever saw those, but and then, you know, go forward probably like 30 years, 25 years maybe, and when my grandparents died there was a Statler brothers cassette which I played in my radio and I was like man.
Speaker 3:I remember listening to these songs and then I YouTubeed Statler brothers and there was a video of them on TNN with the tricolored microphone and I was like this is that was just like a. I was surrounded by Jesus always, even though I didn't know it. And to try. That's, I guess, long story short, what we're trying to do now and make everybody know that Jesus is with us all the time, even in our crazy hectic house, which is like a WWE match on Monday nights. Monday night raw in our house All week long yeah.
Speaker 2:No commercials.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess, to say something a little different, I agree with everything David said. You know I wanna lead by example. I wanna surround them with a faith community that's not just there on Sundays, but I also. I also, we also do a lot of work around prayer. We are at an age range where we don't get dinner together every night. We used to and it was my favorite and that was a big adjustment for me as a mom. But when we are all together, or even if two or three of us, it might be me and the girls, or it might be just me and my son.
Speaker 2:If we gather we're gonna say a prayer at dinner and we take turns, and when I mentioned earlier like kind of letting stuff go, I no longer. I will be honest. I used to be like say something you're grateful for, say something you wanna pray for. No, just what's on your heart, and sometimes for me, sometimes for my kids, if we're tired. It's not our best prayer that we ever wrote, but sometimes they are really beautiful and those are the ones I'm grateful for. And when we can just put something together any day of the week, I'm grateful for it. But those are the prayers that they know that they can count on that. We're gonna pray at dinner. But I also really appreciate when, for example, if I'm having some quiet time in the morning, I'm praying, maybe in my bathroom, and one of my daughters comes down for something. She's getting ready and it's impromptu, and I kind of get surprised by it. I like the moment where she just sort of sees that it's happening. It wasn't planned, it wasn't, it's just what happened and that's really what we're talking about here.
Speaker 2:Right, real talk, it's just being real. I mean, people have to do in their households what works for their household. Like I said earlier, we're a music house. We play all kinds of music. I don't want anybody to get it twisted. We are playing praise, we are playing 90s hip hop, we are playing Texas country, we're playing jazz, we are all over the map with our Pandora. But you know, and we do a lot of prayer, but what works for your household is what will work, because it will feel natural and it will be authentic and your kids won't feel like something feels forced to feel it something's fake, and it'll be something that can be sustainable. Yeah, and so I share what works for me, but people need to find what works for them. Yeah, um, but I think to David's point about we're all making this point right about building a community. Why that works is because you're building something around you. Yeah, that's like bubble wrap. Hmm.
Speaker 2:You know and it's not just on Sundays, you find them, you find that base all week long. Um, so yeah, those are the kinds of things that I hope will trickle into their minds and their hearts and create habits that I maybe are not even seen right now. For the future. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Something you brought up in way that made me think of something else was being raw. Right, I mean how many times do you pick up your kid from school and you say oh, how was school today. It's always the one word answer right. Good, so it's. It's also sharing how your day was right. If I asked Kyle, how was Sunday school? Oh? It was good.
Speaker 3:Well, instead, what I do? I tell him about what we talked about in Sunday school, right? So he knows that not only is he going to learn about Jesus and Sunday school, but we are also, and that we're trying to all figure it out too right, and become more Christlike. Um then, I think I maybe it's just as he ages versus anything that I'm actually doing, but I feel like he opens up more about school just out of the blue versus when I ask him, right what I ask oh yeah, it's good, we went to the library today.
Speaker 3:Okay, I know that it's Thursday, but you know, then I don't know, it's probably a combination, but I like to feel like I'm doing something right, and that's the other scary thing, too is what am I doing? That's wrong. That I don't even know is wrong or not even necessarily wrong, but not wrong. Like you said, emily. Wrong for that kid, right Cause I know what I would have changed my mind at that age or got in the right result when I was at age.
Speaker 1:But this is a different person we're talking about, with completely different background situation, even though I feel like it's me still right Well what I heard you say there too really both of you is modeling right, and sometimes, I think, in church talk we say, live your faith out loud, but I think that's really and that's what I mean is is letting your faith be seen and heard intentionally right. I think there's something very beautiful and powerful about locking yourself away and praying silently and alone and intensely and and saying the prayers that you hope no one ever in the world would hear, and there's also something really beautiful about doing that with your children, your spouse, a friend. There's. There's something where that it teaches in such a powerful way, and I love that that you start by saying well, in my Sunday school class today, we talked about this, and then you're teaching how to share about your day. I think the answer is good, because they don't know what else to say.
Speaker 1:Do you want me to go through every single minute? Do you want me to tell you every move I made? I don't even remember what we had for lunch. You know it was four hours ago and so and so. So my pencil, and I'm still really angry about that and I don't know how to deal with my emotions. And good, it was fine.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's days that I have an intense day and I get home and I'm like it's fine, Move on. I don't have the energy to talk about it right now and I can't, you know, I'm sure at nine and seven and 13, you know, the same thing happens, Um, I wanted to share, just like for me too, like my hope for for for my children who are grown. Um, regarding faith, is that they would just believe and accept this amazing grace, feel love of God that I believe is illustrated and experienced so beautifully through Jesus Christ that they would, that they would experience that, that they would receive that, and, and I really think the only thing I can do to try and help that in any way is try to love them like that.
Speaker 1:It's just try to love them the way that I have today can understand that God loves me, um, with the willingness to continue to grow and make that, and, and and I say that because they're adults and they, again, they do whatever they want all the time and, um, I have lots of opinions and thoughts about what they shouldn't, shouldn't be doing, and yet I think the best thing I can do is is just try to love them with this love that I, I want them to know from God. Um, um, what would you offer as just one piece of hope, advice, one step a parent can take today who's wanting to want to figure out how to share faith with their children? One, one next step, one piece of advice, one piece of hope.
Speaker 3:Uh, I don't know if it's an easy piece, but I think you have to figure out your own faith first, right, Before you can share it. Uh, that seems and sounds really easy and obvious, right? But it may not be, uh, for some people. And it's it's not the easy answer, right? So maybe it's you and your kid working together and sharing with each other, right? Like if, if you make this theirs as well as yours, that could be, it could be right. I'm not saying it is, I'm not an expert in parenting. That could be the answer. I don't know. I love that.
Speaker 2:Um, I had a boss once give me the advice. This was not faith related, although he was a very faithful man. He is a very faithful man. They picked a thing that has the least effort, greatest impact, and I'm sure he didn't invent that. So maybe a lot of you have heard that before. But, um, when I think about where I would start if I was starting at the beginning, or even in the middle, wherever, or right, maybe even right now, I would just what is the path of least resistance? The thing that comes most naturally, that will make the biggest impact, cause it might not be trying to rearrange your whole schedule to get a church every Sunday and we'd love to see you at church, but it might be. We can start saying a prayer at dinner time, or we can start saying a prayer on the way to school, or we can just listen to KSPJ once a week in the car.
Speaker 2:I, you know, I'm just throwing examples out there, but there are things, small things, that can change in any family's schedule. Um, and what that is that feels natural, that that feels real to you and your children. We'll probably be the thing that goes over, the smoothest and the best, and, um, and and to me in this subject area, that's what you got to look for, because when it comes especially introducing or coming back to or trying to go to a next level when it comes to God and religion, if you come on, come at it really strongly or in a way that doesn't feel natural, I think it's resisted you just get such pushback, maybe not just about religion, but it just seems like this category of God gets pushed back when it's when you kind of come at it the wrong way. So I would just say that there's not a right or wrong answer, it's what, what feels like the right path for your household at this time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you said, just I mean make it real. And, david, you also said something earlier just about being raw and just, hey, and maybe that's what it starts with. You know, hey, guys, I don't know, but we're going to try this. So thank you both so much for being willing to share today, for being open and vulnerable and and willing to just um talk openly about your faith and what you're striving to do as you raise your children in faith too. Thank you for tuning in Um, I hope that you will like follow, share, subscribe those things actually matter, and so I invite you to do so.
Speaker 1:But also, um, if you know someone who's needing maybe a little bit of encouragement or a word um, share this podcast with them too, and hopefully it will um offer something special. Also, want to be sure that you mark your calendar to join us for podcasts on the patio April 24th at Grace Pizza here in Parallel, where we will host a live podcast event. We'll have music, a panel and even take your questions from the audience. So I hope that you'll plan to come and bring a friend who's interested in having some real talk about faith too. Until then, we'll see you next time. Thanks.